I tried to lay down and relax it didn’t work. I feel all this pressure deep in me and I need to get it out, the overwhelmed feeling. I use to cut, it would relieve the tension/overwhelmed feeling and I’d be able to function. Since I have stopped self-harming I’m trying to think of how to get that release. On top of that I have a major headache which is probably related. I tried to take a bath and read, my left wrist and the nerves in two of my fingers were hurting to much to hold up my iPad, also I couldn’t concentrate much because I have all this stress pressure inside both in my body and in my mind. Distracting isn’t working. I took some medicine and the headache is slowly leaving it seems. I tried to lay down but my mind wouldn’t stop, I tried counting backwards and doing my usual tricks- nothing worked. I thought about something said to me on Friday about staying the weekend in the hospital fearing I would decompensate, might have been a good idea but not sure they’d let me out in time for class and I’d be just as stressed there with no outlets- plus anyone who has been inpatient knows weekends are boring and there is rarely groups or anything. I’m having suicidal thoughts but random ones that aren’t really related to wanting to act on them, more like when I do it this is what I want done with my stuff, this is what I’m going to write… The self-harm thoughts/urges on the other hand are pretty strong. I’m going to meet a girl at the movies today and I met her on a lesbian dating site. I’ve never met her before and am not sure if this is something friends like or date like– surprisingly I have more anxiety about Tuesday and these decisions I need to make than this outing which is meant to signify how anxious and overwhelmed I am about that. I thought about exercise to get it out, but that would require the gym and I don’t really have anyone to go with, my sister and brother-in-law are out boating. The stress isn’t making me tearful so that won’t release it. I’m not angry so can’t scream or rip up paper or any of that. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop this overwhelming feeling?
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